I am a dancer
No shoes, no dress, no spotlight or stage
No colour, no creed, nor restriction on age

No jury, no training, no cheers, no leeers
I dance as i feel - no limits, no fears

I dance in the grass with the wind in my hair
I dance on the pavement - gray, cold and bare

I dance in the rain and the heat of the sun
I dance when i feel i can no longer run

It's my release, my light and escape
So i dance and i dance till my bare feet break

Then i smile, get up, and dance a while more
For with dance my tomorrows, will be better, i'm sure

A dancer I am and a dancer I'll be
Even if my dancing is only for me...

:)

Labels: ACP Lighting, dancer, model, photography, self-reflection, Sydney

Me on a rooftop - high up and on the edge, it made me feel alive. Some really old shots taken at the Pekeliling flats. View Large On Black

I smell a storm coming
and i'm not sure what it means..

I once read somewhere that our bodies naturally crave the thing that we need the most at any given time. Some crave for food, some crave attention, some crave for the presence of others. I crave for certain songs.

It's an itch i can't describe but sometimes during the day i'll just really really really need to listen to a certain song. The moment i hear it though, something seems to melt inside. It's my drug and i am satisfied - for that moment, everything feels right.

Today i craved for Dream A Little Dream of Me (Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald) which i had on replay several times. Then i craved for Somewhere Over the Rainbow (Eva Cassidy). Then it was downhill from there..

Another mellow night wondering why i'm having another mellow night.
Another mellow night just wondering.

Labels: pekeliling flats, photography, self-reflection

Rufus (Fallen Leaves cast 2009) whom i thank for being one of the most quietly open and honest people i've ever met and photographed.View this Large On Black

It's amazing how the simplest statements
can reveal the greatest truth.

And just like that, it becomes clear. You notice things that were staring you in the face. You look back in retrospect and trace the way things all came together. You see the present and understand it as a culmination of the past and future colliding in the moment, at this time.

...then nothingness. Just a clear quiet nothingness. You hold your breath and suddenly you don't need to breathe. Everything seems suspended, numb, but strangely not entirely unpleasant. You can see things now from a distance and in its entirety. It makes sense.

I like those moments. Too bad they don't last very long.

You blink and it's over. By the next breath you could have sworn it was never there to begin with. Then you return to wondering what it would be like if you really could see the big picture. You're back at the begining but it's different somehow. There's a knowing now yet there's still this element of uncertainty - an unpredictability that intrigues us.

That's why we do it. We want to know. We never really do in the end yet sometimes, if we're lucky, we get glimpses of truth triggered by accidently moments of honesty... and to some extent, that's enough.

And that's why we do it - to know it's there.

Labels: fallen leaves, photography, self-reflection

(L-R: Melissa, Anna & Leigh) The Entity Dance Collective dancers @ the Studio, Newtown.

The best things in life..
are the ones that help you procrastinate doing the worst things in life :)

I had to toss up between washing the toilet or flickr-ing so i went for flickr-ing. Finished up the short set i did for the Entity Dance Collective practice session. It was a really rushed shoot and i went home feeling like i coulda shoulda woulda have done better at it and worrying that once on the larger comp screen, nothing would turn out right but i have to say that all that praying for it to work out must've helped. Ended up quite happy with some of the shots, got to meet some lovely people and learned the value of instinct over intellect in the process.

It's wonderful when you realise that wonderful things can come out of less than perfect circumstances. It makes possibilities seem possible once more... if only we could just believe.

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One a different note. Time for some geekery! These are some really cool links i've come across recently for online flickr related stuff. If you're not on flickr - get with the program! hehe...

Geekery #1:
wallpapr

what: Beta version of cool search tool that lets you enter keywords and search for a random selection of large sized/high resolution images on flickr that are (averagely) computer wallpaper sized. As far as i checked, all the images that the engine shows up are under creative commons licenses so as far as i can tell it doesn't help people rip off copyrighted or protected works - which is great :)
link: wallpapr


Geekery #2:
groupr

what: With the tagline "A bird's eye view of your flickr groups" this tool gives you a new way of browsing flickr through flickr group pools. Just type in your (or someone else's) flickr nickname, hit search, and a page comes up with a random selection of photos from a number of groups that that flickr person belongs to. Simple customisable functions let you choose the number of groups to be included in the search.
link: groupr

Now go ye thereforth and waste time on flickr! :D

*p/s: no, this isn't a paid post and yes, i wish it was.

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More from the Entity Dance Collective rehearsal series:
(hit the thumbnails to get to the larger version and to got to the photostream )

Labels: Australia, conceptual, dancer, geekery, photography, Sydney, theatre

The lovely Leigh from Entity Dance Collective - Click on the pic, full-view is a must!

The slowest minutes and the fastest days
collide and meet in the strangest ways..

At times, it makes sense for the situation to not make sense. Sometimes, i think the best thing one can do is to just sit back and let life just happen. After all, it seems our lives are too coincidental to be coincidences, too random to really be random. Times like these i'm grateful that i believe in God, in divine intervention, in destiny, in hope and that ultimately, regardless of what i decide or do, whatever will be will surely still be.

Que sera sera
Reasoning won't get you very far
Best look life in the eye
and watch it go by
while reveling in a soliloquy
knowing that whatever will be will be..

Labels: dancer, emo, photography, self-reflection, theatre

Entity Dance Collective @ The Studio, Newtown.

I've been thinking that...
I should really stop thinking.

really.

Labels: dancer, photography, Sydney

The CircuSoc (Circus Society) performers from my uni during their practice @ the Physics Lawn. Had a blast shooting em.. (strobist info: 2 strobes at equal power...1/8 i think... one on left, one on right & equal distance from performers). Click here for more from that series.


Been obsessing over photography for the better part of the week since the Circusoc shoot last last monday. Lights are addictive... O_o" On a good note though.. my gel filters swatchbook just arrived today!! FREE... and delivered right to my doorstep *bless those boys at at the local lighting store*. Got a shoot with some contemporary dancers this afternoon at a little church studio in Newtown. Praying for amazing natural light and a great time with them - can't wait!

Looking to be a good day today. The sun's out, i have an orange cake in the oven *mmsss* and at the last minute managed to borrow a set of wireless flash triggers.... *happiness*....i'm such a geek ;p

Oh well, updates later. For now - tra la :D

Labels: Australia, conceptual, photography, Sydney, UNSW, Weird stuff

'Twas a grey and soggy Saturday morning in Sydney but...
we all still turned up for the 'Scott Kelby Worldwide Photowalk 2008'!

On many levels it wasn't what i expected but i'm still really glad i went for it. Got to meet new people, walk overdone routes looking for under-appreciated angles, and overall just spend a quiet morning walking the streets of Sydney before the hustle and bustle of the day began.

Don't know why but all my more recent shots seem to be darker, moodier and more dreamy... experimenting a bit with post-processing techniques. This mood sort of suited the day too i suppose. It was quite surprising how deserted and silent the city was that morning... albeit it was drizzling and pretty early in the day but i still expected the area to be more alive. It was quite surreal to see no one around save for this crazy group of photogs (actually there were 2 groups of photogs out that morning in the same area - our group and another travel photography group O_o") armed with their gear running (or crawling) through the city. You can imagine what that must've looked like *hehehe*.. all these street photogs.. with hardly anyone else to shoot but themselves... very amusing to watch :D

Was browsing through the shots from some of the other groups around the world who participated in this photowalk too... it's amazing to see all these images as it gives you a lovely cross-section of what the 23rd of August, 2008 was like all around the world. Some cities had sunshine, some had rain, some showed laughter, some showed pain... fascinating really to think of all the other stories and lives out there.. each connected to the other yet each also existing in utter oblivion to the next. For a moment there, i wondered what God saw when he looked down on earth on the 23rd of August, 2008... He must've thought we were all crazy, smiled then laughed a little as He watched us scurry about our day in our own different ways.

Anyways, here are some of my shots from that day. You can check out the Sydney group's flickr photo pool here. Also, check out the photos from the various participating cities around the world involved in this event.

Anyone else participated too?? Let me know how your day went!

"Beam Me Up" - i *heart* the rocks for all the lovely old architecture there...

"One Step at a Time" - A fellow photog getting his shot on the Commisioner's Steps @ Circular Quay.

"Arches" - the good thing about crappy weather is the soft filtered natural light that seems to just float mid-air in a state of glorious suspension.

"Bridge over troubled water" - my fave from that day...

"Church Lights" - tra la..

"Urban Bushland" - The urbanite's song: "This is my tree, these are my stones, this is my wilderness. It may be bare and cold and harsh and grey; but it's where i was born, where i belong. This is my city, my freedom, my home."

"Cooks and Candids" - Shot through a glass window.. can you spot me? hehehe...

"Falcon" - A lovely old Falcon parked under the Harbour Bridge.

"At Hickson Steps" - Shane and Lukas from the photo walk shooting macros of the many things growing out the side of this sandstone wall.

"Pier 2/3" - Yet another shot of the interior of Pier 2/3... i really love that place.

"Puddles" - stomping puddles after the rain :) *sploosh* (Thanks Shane for hopping in that puddle so many times just so i could get a good shot! )

"Gimme That!" - Nyahaha... that'll teach you to give your DSLR to me while hanging off a ladder *runs away and hides Shane's camera*

"From the Top.." - Behind the scenes shot of this pic here.

"Spill" - No point crying over split milk...

"Overflow"

Labels: Australia, black and white, Photo walk, photography, self-reflection, street photography, Sydney, urban life

Walk-by Shootings@Balmain, 2008.

"Return to sender, address unknown,
No such number, no such zone.."
-Elvis Presley

Sometimes what you give isn't what you get.

Labels: black and white, conceptual, photography, Sydney

Cockatoo Island, 2008.

Just wondering if...
I'll ever see things the same way again.

At times i wonder if our nomadic type of living is really all it's cut out to be - whether 'reality' is just an illusion like reflections in water.. At times, memories seem no more than pretty pictures that exist only in our heads.. impressions not of what is but of what we want things to be. All the same, when we've glimpsed ideals, can we ever be satisfied with anything less?

Just thinking..
that there are a lot of things that i kinda miss..
and feeling a bit sad that all these times and things that i remember may not even have happened the way i think i remember them.

Moments are far too fleeting, far too fragile..

Labels: conceptual, photography, self-reflection, water

"Sails", Sydney Biennale 2008@Cockatoo Island, Sydney.


When the illusion of anonymity is shattered
a certain joy of freedom is lost

Maybe ignorance really is bliss and maybe if we really tried hard enough, we may start to believe it.

It's been a while since i last blogged. I think i finally feel like everyone's forgotten enough about this dusty lil blog so that i can blog in blissful anonymity again. It's strange... thinking that people i know actually read this thing makes me feel self-conscious and yet thinking that no one cares enough to read it also makes me feel a lil dejected. Sometimes i wish i'd just make up my mind *blek*

------------------

The great thing about dreams is that they stay in your head. They stay illusions, they stay impossible and they stay just as we intend them to be. The problem with having great ideas is that on the rare occasion that one has to realise them, in the bright glare of reality they sometimes don't seem that great after all... hmm..

-------------------

In an attempt to distract myself from watching too many episodes of 'Will & Grace' in one night, i took to doing some of those "silly internet personality quizzes" clicking randomly on any quiz title that appeared vaguely interesting (or mind-numbing). After finding out what type of chocolate i am (dark chocolate), what type of brain i have (balanced brain ;D) and which 80s song i am (not telling ;p), i clicked on a quiz titled "why are you still single?" - partly for amusement, partly because it was taunting me - and began randomly clicking away at the multiple choice answers.

After half-lucidly clicking on the "finish" button, i sat, watched the little 'loading' bar slowly turn blue and contemplated all the random useless possible "results" that would soon pop up on my screen. Surprisingly, what popped up next kind of made me stop and think a bit...

The answer to my question apparently is that i "don't want to slow down":

"Whether you're working all hours, busy with school, or planning a cross-country move, it sounds like you just don't have time for anyone else in your life...right now, that is. Your timing may be off in other aspects, too. Chances are, you've met that perfect person who just so happens to be married or planning their own cross-country move. So take a step back for a moment. Is there something underlying this? Could it be you're afraid to get involved for some reason or another, and are therefore attracted to people who are simply unavailable?"

Convicted by a computer.. now that's sad ;p

And to think i wondered why i stopped blogging for so long *sigh*

O_o"

Labels: black and white, breathe, conceptual, emo, Mandy, photography, self-reflection, Sydney Biennale 2008

I woke up this morning and craved Beef & Wine Pies...
so i made some..

*whee* Random cravings lead to random cooking sessions.. half a day of boiling the stew to death, an hour of making pastry, some time tanning in the oven.. then instant satisfaction... *yums*

i think all this sleep and sunshine is doing something even worse to my head than all that staying up at night.. but at least this way i don't have to eat maggie mee *ugh*

now if you'll excuse me, i have some pies to devour *tra la..*

Labels: Australia, cooking, photography

Following the leader, the leader, the leader,
following the leader where ever he may go..

Sometimes i wonder...
why i even bother at all.



Ever get the feeling that no matter what you do or how good your intentions/aspirations/ideas it all don't matter in the end? No matter what you intend to communicate to someone else it somehow has a way of turning out completely different leaving you exasperated and thinking "what's the point of trying so hard to be nice and likable and good and perfect" when it's perfectly easy to be quite the opposite - almost too easy *blek*...

Another pointless rant about another pointless subject.

Sometimes it feels like i waste too much time living in my head and not enough time actually living O_o"

i need a life.

Labels: conceptual, emo, photography, self-reflection, street photography, Sydney

Edo & Tyas - 15th March 2008

'Twas a bright sun-shiny Saturday
for two bright sun-shiny people..

Had a pre-wedding shoot with Edo & Tyas on Sat and had a blast. These two are such an adorable couple!

Will blog more later.. need sleep now.... ;)

*whee...*

Labels: photography, Sydney

Being in the company of a stadium full of women..
is a wonderfully strange experience..

Went for my first Colour Conference today which is Hillsong church's anual women's conference. Wasn't quite sure what to expect from it but have to admit that i was quite excited to go :)

Opening night was a ton of fun and there was this moment during worship where Brooke Fraser was leading and the band stopped playing for the chorus bit... standing there right in the middle of this huge stadium, with nothing but Brooke's voice and the collective voice of thousands and thousands of women praising God was quite breathtaking. I've been in mixed crowds singing at worship and concerts before but nothing - nothing - was quite like being in a crowd of WOMEN (and girls) all singing in one voice before. There was something so amazingly pure, comforting and strong about it...

Carol turned to me and whispered "Wow, looking at this i think women can really take over the world if they wanted to..".

..and for that moment, it was possible :)


Got some piccas here that i snapped on my Sony Ericsson K800i handphone camera.. not the best thing to shoot with but i was lazy to bring my big cam ;p


Opening night '08 begins..


every..single...level in the acer arena was packed solid..


Brooke leading worship..

Labels: Colour Conference 2008, Hillsong, photography, Sony Ericsson K800i, Sydney

Uncle Henry & his family @ CNY dinner '08

I'm still here..
just taking some time to live life before blogging about it :)

Been neglecting my blog for a bit while i'm back in KL.. realising that it really is impossible to spend as much time as i'd like with everyone back home during my few short weeks back. To everyone i didn't manage to meet up with:

i'm really *Sorry*

It's strange how much and yet how little things have changed in the past year. It's been a holiday filled with family, good food, old friends and lots of running around. Maybe a tad too much running around.. now that it's my last week back home, i'm filled witha deep urge to just sit on my couch in front of my tv, with my dog in my home and just enjoy being at home.

This year's going to fly by the moment i touch down in Sydney. It's starting with a great deal of excitement, apprehension and uncertainty. It will end with big decisions, inevitable transitions and much change.

I wonder what it will bring.

I wonder if i really want to find out..

Labels: CNY 2008, family, photography

One of those (surprisingly) rare sunny summer days - shot on Fuji Reala 100.

It started to rain again today..

..and as i looked up at the grey sky, i remembered that warm summer day, under the tree, when the light was just right and the wind was just right and the tree, the light and the wind tossed dancing shadows across the table top. Nothing was said. Nothing needed to be said.

Sometimes the less we talk, the more we understand.

So i sit and wonder about what the world is doing on this quiet night.

Then i sleep and dream and in the morning, it would all have faded away..

Labels: Australia, emo, photography

My narcissistic moment - basking (literally) in the Sydney sunlight.

I've always loved..
Open doorways and all the possibilities they bring.

The golden light of sunset, the slightest breeze, old weathered doorways with glass panels that catch the soft rays...

Maybe the long grey weekend was worth it after all.

*tra la..*

Labels: Australia, conceptual, emo, photography, Sydney, urban life

Little hearts on the streets of Kiama, Australia.

i heart you..
i don't want to but i do..

Blogs are kinda like street art. You can say want you want to and need to say in the most public way and still stay discreet. It's that outlet for all the pent up things you want to say. It listens, it understands, it willingly accepts all the linguistic regurgitation you throw its way.

Sometimes i reckon my blog knows me better than most people do. I tell it when i'm sad, when i'm happy and when i'm drifting somewhere in between. I tell it when i need a break, when i feel broken and when i finally break free... and all the while, still maintaining the ambiguity of the truth.

Forget camwhoring, cryptic blogging is the way to go. It's easier than etching a statement into the back of a toilet door and more sanitary too. When you think about it, blogs are rather like virtual vandalism victims. We carve into them our random thoughts, musings, opinions, feelings, aspirations, confessions, confusion, perversions, fears, anger, belief - anything that tells the world that "Hey, guess what? Grace was here - she has something to say and she wants you to know that."

It's simple really. On some level, all we want is someone to hear what we have to say..
and with virtual vandalism, we don't actually have to say it to say it.

Labels: Australia, conceptual, photography, sky, Sony Ericsson K610i, street photography, Sydney

Werns, Dina, Jerms & Dale - Kiama, Australia

One giant leap towards the unknown
and i'm not sure what i'll see at the top...

These days it seems like every time i smile outside, i sigh inside.

Labels: Australia, photography