I am a dancer
No shoes, no dress, no spotlight or stage
No colour, no creed, nor restriction on age

No jury, no training, no cheers, no leeers
I dance as i feel - no limits, no fears

I dance in the grass with the wind in my hair
I dance on the pavement - gray, cold and bare

I dance in the rain and the heat of the sun
I dance when i feel i can no longer run

It's my release, my light and escape
So i dance and i dance till my bare feet break

Then i smile, get up, and dance a while more
For with dance my tomorrows, will be better, i'm sure

A dancer I am and a dancer I'll be
Even if my dancing is only for me...

:)

Labels: ACP Lighting, dancer, model, photography, self-reflection, Sydney

Me on a rooftop - high up and on the edge, it made me feel alive. Some really old shots taken at the Pekeliling flats. View Large On Black

I smell a storm coming
and i'm not sure what it means..

I once read somewhere that our bodies naturally crave the thing that we need the most at any given time. Some crave for food, some crave attention, some crave for the presence of others. I crave for certain songs.

It's an itch i can't describe but sometimes during the day i'll just really really really need to listen to a certain song. The moment i hear it though, something seems to melt inside. It's my drug and i am satisfied - for that moment, everything feels right.

Today i craved for Dream A Little Dream of Me (Louis Armstrong and Ella Fitzgerald) which i had on replay several times. Then i craved for Somewhere Over the Rainbow (Eva Cassidy). Then it was downhill from there..

Another mellow night wondering why i'm having another mellow night.
Another mellow night just wondering.

Labels: pekeliling flats, photography, self-reflection

Rufus (Fallen Leaves cast 2009) whom i thank for being one of the most quietly open and honest people i've ever met and photographed.View this Large On Black

It's amazing how the simplest statements
can reveal the greatest truth.

And just like that, it becomes clear. You notice things that were staring you in the face. You look back in retrospect and trace the way things all came together. You see the present and understand it as a culmination of the past and future colliding in the moment, at this time.

...then nothingness. Just a clear quiet nothingness. You hold your breath and suddenly you don't need to breathe. Everything seems suspended, numb, but strangely not entirely unpleasant. You can see things now from a distance and in its entirety. It makes sense.

I like those moments. Too bad they don't last very long.

You blink and it's over. By the next breath you could have sworn it was never there to begin with. Then you return to wondering what it would be like if you really could see the big picture. You're back at the begining but it's different somehow. There's a knowing now yet there's still this element of uncertainty - an unpredictability that intrigues us.

That's why we do it. We want to know. We never really do in the end yet sometimes, if we're lucky, we get glimpses of truth triggered by accidently moments of honesty... and to some extent, that's enough.

And that's why we do it - to know it's there.

Labels: fallen leaves, photography, self-reflection

The experience of movement is a profound thing that
is only surpassed by the experience of being moved..

When you get down to it, all each of us really wants is to find that one thing that moves us - that one thing that makes sense of it all and makes it all matter. The need to feel, to connect, to experience and to know is a steady undercurrent that subtly drives all that we do.

These past few days i've been feeling rather charmed by the idea of spending endless hours immersed in alternate realities through dreams at night and daydreams during stolen moments in the day. Strangely i've started noticing that while the validity and reality of these alternate experiences may be questionable, they are becoming increasingly important as a part of my daily life. It's almost as if by taking concious notice of my subconcious, i've opened up the possibility of being a part of this whole other parrallel life.

In time, i'm certain that life will pick up pace again and leave me little time to indulge in such reverie but in the mean time, i shall make the most of it. Good night and do have thoroughly memorable dreams.

Labels: emo, self-reflection, Weird stuff

The lovely Leigh from Entity Dance Collective - Click on the pic, full-view is a must!

The slowest minutes and the fastest days
collide and meet in the strangest ways..

At times, it makes sense for the situation to not make sense. Sometimes, i think the best thing one can do is to just sit back and let life just happen. After all, it seems our lives are too coincidental to be coincidences, too random to really be random. Times like these i'm grateful that i believe in God, in divine intervention, in destiny, in hope and that ultimately, regardless of what i decide or do, whatever will be will surely still be.

Que sera sera
Reasoning won't get you very far
Best look life in the eye
and watch it go by
while reveling in a soliloquy
knowing that whatever will be will be..

Labels: dancer, emo, photography, self-reflection, theatre

'Twas a grey and soggy Saturday morning in Sydney but...
we all still turned up for the 'Scott Kelby Worldwide Photowalk 2008'!

On many levels it wasn't what i expected but i'm still really glad i went for it. Got to meet new people, walk overdone routes looking for under-appreciated angles, and overall just spend a quiet morning walking the streets of Sydney before the hustle and bustle of the day began.

Don't know why but all my more recent shots seem to be darker, moodier and more dreamy... experimenting a bit with post-processing techniques. This mood sort of suited the day too i suppose. It was quite surprising how deserted and silent the city was that morning... albeit it was drizzling and pretty early in the day but i still expected the area to be more alive. It was quite surreal to see no one around save for this crazy group of photogs (actually there were 2 groups of photogs out that morning in the same area - our group and another travel photography group O_o") armed with their gear running (or crawling) through the city. You can imagine what that must've looked like *hehehe*.. all these street photogs.. with hardly anyone else to shoot but themselves... very amusing to watch :D

Was browsing through the shots from some of the other groups around the world who participated in this photowalk too... it's amazing to see all these images as it gives you a lovely cross-section of what the 23rd of August, 2008 was like all around the world. Some cities had sunshine, some had rain, some showed laughter, some showed pain... fascinating really to think of all the other stories and lives out there.. each connected to the other yet each also existing in utter oblivion to the next. For a moment there, i wondered what God saw when he looked down on earth on the 23rd of August, 2008... He must've thought we were all crazy, smiled then laughed a little as He watched us scurry about our day in our own different ways.

Anyways, here are some of my shots from that day. You can check out the Sydney group's flickr photo pool here. Also, check out the photos from the various participating cities around the world involved in this event.

Anyone else participated too?? Let me know how your day went!

"Beam Me Up" - i *heart* the rocks for all the lovely old architecture there...

"One Step at a Time" - A fellow photog getting his shot on the Commisioner's Steps @ Circular Quay.

"Arches" - the good thing about crappy weather is the soft filtered natural light that seems to just float mid-air in a state of glorious suspension.

"Bridge over troubled water" - my fave from that day...

"Church Lights" - tra la..

"Urban Bushland" - The urbanite's song: "This is my tree, these are my stones, this is my wilderness. It may be bare and cold and harsh and grey; but it's where i was born, where i belong. This is my city, my freedom, my home."

"Cooks and Candids" - Shot through a glass window.. can you spot me? hehehe...

"Falcon" - A lovely old Falcon parked under the Harbour Bridge.

"At Hickson Steps" - Shane and Lukas from the photo walk shooting macros of the many things growing out the side of this sandstone wall.

"Pier 2/3" - Yet another shot of the interior of Pier 2/3... i really love that place.

"Puddles" - stomping puddles after the rain :) *sploosh* (Thanks Shane for hopping in that puddle so many times just so i could get a good shot! )

"Gimme That!" - Nyahaha... that'll teach you to give your DSLR to me while hanging off a ladder *runs away and hides Shane's camera*

"From the Top.." - Behind the scenes shot of this pic here.

"Spill" - No point crying over split milk...

"Overflow"

Labels: Australia, black and white, Photo walk, photography, self-reflection, street photography, Sydney, urban life

Cockatoo Island, 2008.

Just wondering if...
I'll ever see things the same way again.

At times i wonder if our nomadic type of living is really all it's cut out to be - whether 'reality' is just an illusion like reflections in water.. At times, memories seem no more than pretty pictures that exist only in our heads.. impressions not of what is but of what we want things to be. All the same, when we've glimpsed ideals, can we ever be satisfied with anything less?

Just thinking..
that there are a lot of things that i kinda miss..
and feeling a bit sad that all these times and things that i remember may not even have happened the way i think i remember them.

Moments are far too fleeting, far too fragile..

Labels: conceptual, photography, self-reflection, water

Sometimes i miss KL like crazy..
Sometimes i wonder if things really can change - if things will

Sometimes i wonder if i want them to at all
Sometimes i wonder what the world would be like if we loved instead of hated; accepted instead of judged
Sometimes i just want a real 70 sen roti canai
Sometimes i want it at 3am and i want it at a mamak
Sometimes i miss the laid-back attitude summed up efficiently in the suffix "-lah"
Sometimes i wish things were that simple

Sometimes i do miss home and i wonder if it misses me too.



This is the Malaysia i see.
Click Chick supports Malaysian Artistes for Unity - you should too.

Labels: emo, self-reflection

It's time for a clean up, shake down, clear out...
It's time for change, it's time for something new.

It's time i actually got round to doing all the things i said i would do.

Yup. Finally.

Starting with Click Chick v2.0!! Huge thanks to Patricia Low for her lovely camera-angel doodles (*big HUGS*) and BittBox for the Photoshop CS brushes (amazing stuff!).

I'm naming it 'remember the rain' in memory of the many quiet nights spent beside my bedroom window tracing raindrops with my fingers and musing about everything, nothing and all that lies in-between.

Tra la...

Labels: blog template, conceptual, emo, renders, self-reflection, work

"Sails", Sydney Biennale 2008@Cockatoo Island, Sydney.


When the illusion of anonymity is shattered
a certain joy of freedom is lost

Maybe ignorance really is bliss and maybe if we really tried hard enough, we may start to believe it.

It's been a while since i last blogged. I think i finally feel like everyone's forgotten enough about this dusty lil blog so that i can blog in blissful anonymity again. It's strange... thinking that people i know actually read this thing makes me feel self-conscious and yet thinking that no one cares enough to read it also makes me feel a lil dejected. Sometimes i wish i'd just make up my mind *blek*

------------------

The great thing about dreams is that they stay in your head. They stay illusions, they stay impossible and they stay just as we intend them to be. The problem with having great ideas is that on the rare occasion that one has to realise them, in the bright glare of reality they sometimes don't seem that great after all... hmm..

-------------------

In an attempt to distract myself from watching too many episodes of 'Will & Grace' in one night, i took to doing some of those "silly internet personality quizzes" clicking randomly on any quiz title that appeared vaguely interesting (or mind-numbing). After finding out what type of chocolate i am (dark chocolate), what type of brain i have (balanced brain ;D) and which 80s song i am (not telling ;p), i clicked on a quiz titled "why are you still single?" - partly for amusement, partly because it was taunting me - and began randomly clicking away at the multiple choice answers.

After half-lucidly clicking on the "finish" button, i sat, watched the little 'loading' bar slowly turn blue and contemplated all the random useless possible "results" that would soon pop up on my screen. Surprisingly, what popped up next kind of made me stop and think a bit...

The answer to my question apparently is that i "don't want to slow down":

"Whether you're working all hours, busy with school, or planning a cross-country move, it sounds like you just don't have time for anyone else in your life...right now, that is. Your timing may be off in other aspects, too. Chances are, you've met that perfect person who just so happens to be married or planning their own cross-country move. So take a step back for a moment. Is there something underlying this? Could it be you're afraid to get involved for some reason or another, and are therefore attracted to people who are simply unavailable?"

Convicted by a computer.. now that's sad ;p

And to think i wondered why i stopped blogging for so long *sigh*

O_o"

Labels: black and white, breathe, conceptual, emo, Mandy, photography, self-reflection, Sydney Biennale 2008

Following the leader, the leader, the leader,
following the leader where ever he may go..

Sometimes i wonder...
why i even bother at all.



Ever get the feeling that no matter what you do or how good your intentions/aspirations/ideas it all don't matter in the end? No matter what you intend to communicate to someone else it somehow has a way of turning out completely different leaving you exasperated and thinking "what's the point of trying so hard to be nice and likable and good and perfect" when it's perfectly easy to be quite the opposite - almost too easy *blek*...

Another pointless rant about another pointless subject.

Sometimes it feels like i waste too much time living in my head and not enough time actually living O_o"

i need a life.

Labels: conceptual, emo, photography, self-reflection, street photography, Sydney

Taken at Pekeliling Flats, KL.

Sometimes we bust down doors
only to realise that we needed them there after all...

Life's strange that way. We spend so much time trying to get to the other side of that door and when we get through it, it's not quite what we expected.

Life's strange that way.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

It's quiet out; and
i hear my thoughts; they
ripple through silences; that
mark miles of space; still
flitting in spasm; on
my window pane; are
wandering musings; of
passion and pain.


It's so crisp and quiet out tonight that i felt somehow obliged to take a short break from doing work to stick my head out of the window and think. From my window i watch the lights in nearby shops and apartments go out - one by one. The shadows move, live, breathe - then they are no more. As i watch the world go by, watch these ppl live their lives, i wonder what they're thinking, what they're feeling, who they are, whether they're looking out their window wondering the same thing. My thought run to random ppl across the globe and i imagine a young African boy waking up in a dessert land, looking out the window squinting at the bright morning sun, getting ready for a long day helping his father mind the animals - to an old woman in China sitting in a rocking chair staring out of her weathered wood windows, listening to old chinese records with the hum and click of a standing fan in the background - to a young Greek fisherman returning home from a bout out at sea, looking out the porthole in his boat thinking about his beautiful bride-to-be waiting eagerly for his return..

The list goes on and i imagine all these people, sharing this one moment with me - a moment of looking out a window and just thinking, just wondering if any one out there is thinking of us too.

And as i look out my window into the clear dark Sydney sky, the enormity of everything around reminds me how big a difference a little perspective makes on the way we see things. Things always look different when we finally see the bigger picture.

Labels: black and white, conceptual, pekeliling flats, photography, self-reflection

"And i find it kinda funny, i find it kinda sad, the dreams in which i'm dying are the best i've ever had..
i find it hard to tell you, i find it hard to take, when people run in circles it's a very, very mad world..."




For some strange reason, this song has been stuck in my head the whole day. A classmate of mine used this song for a photo presentation and it just stuck.. i'm not in a depressive mood, no. It's just sorta.. contemplative. Like taking a step back and looking at the world and realising that it's a really, really surreal and strange place. We are a peculiar species.. we keep thinking we're so different from each other and yet we share habits, thoughts and emotions that are so similar that sometimes i wonder why we ever saw a divide in the first place. In a rather floaty and thoughtful mood lately. I think the combination of lack of sleep, long walks barefoot all the way home, some long conversations and too much tea & coffee has brought on a strangely sedated state of consciousness.

It feels like i'm dreaming when i'm awake and sometimes it feels like i'm more awake when i'm dreaming... this might actually work out for the better though. I've got this really interesting assignment where i've got to study my dreams and translate them into a collage of sorts *fun*

Anyways, i've been spending too many nights in uni on my 3D Max project (remember the white one i loaded the other day?). FINALLY, i'm done with it... a total of 30+ rendering hours later and this is what that model looks like now... i'm quite happy with it since it's taken me long enough to try to figure the program out :)

And now, i am going to go sleep. zzzZZzzzZzz....... enjoy.



The lounge-ish area.. sunshine through the window *whee*


A close-up view of the cocktails, bottle and candle holders i modeled.. had some fun playing with the depth of field in this shot... i love my pink cocktails!


An overall view of the bar area..


A closeup of my bar area (*whee* handles handles handles*)...


I love the reflections on my shiny black glass bar top :) this render took 7+ hours to render *ugh*... O_o"

Labels: 3D Max, bar, emo, lounge, self-reflection, UNSW, work

My first view of Australia from the sky..

Australia is really big..
really really really big.

And yet, in all it's vastness, it is still incredibly detailed. There seems to be so much to see, so much to do, so much to learn that sometimes it gets a tad bit overwhelming.

I never realised how different things could be after crossing a wee bit of sea to come over here. Took it for granted that since we speak the same language, the people, culture, place and just lifestyle in general would not be that different after all. But things turned out strangely foreign - not foreign in an obvious 'i'm in a different place' sort of way, just in a way that feels as if the same situation has a whole different translation over here than at home. The feeling of not knowing what to expect, what is expected of me and what i should expect is pretty nauseating.

Along with the inflating sense of adventure and curiosity that comes with being in a new environment, i'm also discovering a new sensation - that of realising that i am in fact, very very small. *bleep*

Labels: arrival, earth, emo, photography, self-reflection, sky, Sydney