In the mood for talking to myself in the quite spaces in my head. In the kind of mood that's warily accompanied by a mellow thumping feeling that resides in the deep crevices of one's heart. The kind that evokes long sighs for reasons beyond one's understanding.
Maybe it was triggered by the ethereal lushness and driving pulse of Steve Reich's Tehillim which we went to see performed today. Maybe it was the fried chicken. Maybe it was spending the day home alone or watching people cuddle on the streets to keep warm or spending too much time undulating between sleep and wake or the funky cold weather or a myriad of other random things. Regardless, it's insisting on being unleashed in some form and a blog update somehow seemed to make sense (?)...
Life in Sydney has been a different kind of same since i've come back. Kick starting a new sem seems a lot harder this time around and mulling about in dream time has seemed like a far better option than trudging around in the light of day.
Too many thoughts and emotions floating around inside while everything else feels like sinking. It is a wonder that the human heart can feel two completely opposite things at once. There is a part that stretches to break the tide and reach into the warm dry light of the sun and yet another that longs to give in to the soothing murky blue embrace of the waters.
Suspended somewhere in between, you find yourself - detached from place and time - watching the silent world pass by - a part of yet apart from. And it is then that you know that all we see is but a dream. A temporal imagining of life as we want to see it.
In a sense, at any given moment, everyone leads the same life at the same time in the same way. And yet, we all come away with our own individual versions of a perception of the truth - truth that is translated into memories that willingly alter their form with the rise and fall of the tides of time.
The fragile mist of our existence in this Earthly life fills me with a longing to understand that which is beyond all this. It fills me with an unending curiosity of what is to come. What is beyond the temporal. Each time an unanswered question passes me by, that deep thumping inside grows heavier and longer as once again the limitations of my own comprehension confronts me and reminds me that i am only human.